How many Jews does it take to fix a gas leak?...

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What do you put on top of salad? Salad Dressing.

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Why don't Polish women use vibrators? They are extremely conservative Catholics.

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your momma's so fat i almost didn't have sex with her.... almost.

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Q: How do you get 1000 babies into a bucket? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Tortilla chips.

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Knock, knock. Who's there. Death.

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A black person and a hispanic person are in a car, who is driving? The black person, after all it's his car.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Roses are green I'm bipolar

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Q. What did the dog say to the cat? A. Ruff.

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Q:How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could would A: 26

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Three bars walk into a Jew.

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Whats big brown and sticky A sappy oak tree

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What do you get when you cross a fan with a child? A mess that you now have to clean up.

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex.

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Why did the clown fall off the swing? He got shot.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

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There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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mark is mark

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, And I'm blind.

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A white guy, a black guy, an Indian guy, and a Jewish guy walk into a bar. They drink in moderation and discuss their children, the current state of the economy, and global politics before retiring home to their families.

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Why are females bad drivers? Because it is hard to drive with pots and pans.

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Good question, probably because I cannot get enough focus to "put a spell" on anyone because of my allergy, I use "autocast" for the rest. "Put a spell" I have not heard that since I was 14, that's really oldschool, and kinda geeky, back then it was code talk... Which is also geeky unless it actually serves a good purpose. AAAND... I served my mandatory time in the army as a minesweeper, we got attacked by fucking allies because of a... Yeah, I killed, people on our same team, still bad people, they offed about everybody else until I showed up, long story short, yeah I offed four of them, but that's like ten years ago.. My turn, you really got a crush on me dont you?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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