There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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What does a plum and a rabbit have in common? A: they're both purple, except for the rabbit!

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

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Roses are red Violets are blue Roses are green I'm bipolar

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Q:How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could would A: 26

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Q. What did the dog say to the cat? A. Ruff.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It had died.

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex.

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Whats big brown and sticky A sappy oak tree

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What do you get when you cross a fan with a child? A mess that you now have to clean up.

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What did the Batman say to the Joker? "I am the Batman."

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Three bars walk into a Jew.

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Knock, knock. Who's there. Death.

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Q: How do you get 1000 babies into a bucket? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Tortilla chips.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

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A black person and a hispanic person are in a car, who is driving? The black person, after all it's his car.

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why is six afraid of seven? because seven is a rapist.

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What did the Russian scientist say to the British scientist when he saw two black guys enter a strip club? "Two black guys entered the strip club"

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how do you kill a jew? inject him/her with gratuitous amounts of cyanide until they cease to have brain function and a pulse.

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What's white and hides in a tree. A refrigerator.

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How do you stop an alcoholic from drinking ? You leave him in the desert for 4 days, eventually he'll die from dehydration .

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Why are females bad drivers? Because it is hard to drive with pots and pans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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