Two muffins are in an oven. It was a really small batch.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you kill a fashion icon? First make sure their blonde and stupid like most. then take a barstool preferably or what ever is closest then........ WACK HER IN THE EMPTY SPOT WHERE HER BRAIN SHOULD BE.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How can you confuse a blonde? Give her a calculus worksheet that she hasn't learned how to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the samurai commit Sepuku? Because it is an honorable Japanese tradition.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

so one day i was getting my daughter artemisia ready for school and so i came in her room and got her pants and so i put it on and then i said did you grow during the summer really did you and then she said daddy both of my feet are stuck on one side of the leg

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was Ray Charles always smiling? He was Happy

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the podiatrist say to the proctologist? That athletes foot fungus is clearing up nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How does Stevie Wonder pick up girls? He doesnt, he has someone do it for him

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the skeleton stay home from the party He was buried in a coffin underground and, as a matter of fact, wasn't actually invited

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

roses are red violets are blue i have a penis get in the bed

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Patients: Whats happening doctor Doctor: I am afraid you all have tested positive Patients: Oh No!!! Doctor: Positive for being great friends all these years! Patients: Oh Doctor you are so.... Doctor: ASWELL AS AIDS!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q:theres a man on a tight rope 3000 feet above ground and theres a man getting head from a 90 year old women with no teath. what did they both say? A: dont look down.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what glows blue and howls at the moon at midnight? I dont know but i had sex with your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: Why did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Yeah? You like that? Its like art for some.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A blonde woman walked into a bar. She ordered a scotch.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

An atheist and a Christian are sitting next to each other on the bus, however both of them believe it inappropriate to talk religion with complete strangers so neither one finds out about the others beliefs and they never see each other again.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the Muslim get on the plane in New York? To go visit his dying aunt in Memphis.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: Why is it sad that nobody was injured in a train crash? A: Because everyone died

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops