They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

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George: I see you got a haircut. Jim: No, I got them all cut.

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a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and becomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into a piece of shit.

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What's worse than finding a fly in your coffee? The holocaust. What's worse than that? Two flies in your coffee.

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what did the fish say when he was eaten by a shark nothing fish cant talk

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what do you call a black man at a school. coach.

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Why did brad pay the sexy looking librarian with a big smile on his face? Becouse brad returned his books to late and had to pay a fine for that. The librarian made a joke about the fact that it was a waste of money to return the books late.

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Why did Frank go to the doctor? He had a bad case of the ebeyjeebes.

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GEORGE LOPEZ SUCKS

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If one of us goes, all of us go. If we all go, none of us are left out.

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Ian From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia This article is about a given name. For other uses, see Ian (disambiguation). Ian Gender Male (rarely Female: some similar names can be) Origin Word/name Hebrew (via Scottish Gaelic) Meaning gift of god, god's gift Other names Related names John (masculine version of Jane: Hebrew for Siobhan), Ivan, Evian, Iana, Seonaidh Look up Ian in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. "Ian", "Iain"(/?i?.?n/; Scottish Gaelic pronunciation: [????n]) is a name of Gaelic origin, corresponding to English/Hebrew John. It is a very popular name in much of the English-speaking world and especially in Scotland, where it originated. Ian was the 19th most popular male name, taking account of the whole British population (over 300,000 Ians in total).[citation needed] The name has now fallen out of the top 100 male baby names in the UK, having peaked in popularity as one of the top 10 names throughout the 1960s,[1] while remaining roughly constant in popularity in the USA. Back in 1900, Ian was the 180th most popular male baby name in England and Wales.[2] The original form of the name 'Eóin' originated in the Irish language. Ian is an anglicisation of the Scottish Gaelic version of the name, 'Iain'. Popularity of the name 'Ian' in the USA Year Rank 2013 80 2012 78 2011 72 2010 72 2009 72 2008 80 2007 74 2006 80 2005 67 2004 69 2003 65 2002 67 2001 70 2000 73 Note: Rank 1 is the most popular, rank 2 is the next most popular, and so forth. Name data are from Social Security card applications for births that occurred in the United States. Source: Social Security Administration. See http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames Other Gaelic forms of "John" include "Seonaidh" ("Johnny" from Lowland Scots), "Seon" (from English), "Seathan", and "Seán" and "Eoin" (from Irish). Its Welsh counterpart is Ioan and Breton equivalent is Yann. Contents [hide] 1 Notable Ians 1.1 As a first name (alphabetical by family name) 1.2 As a middle name 1.3 As a surname 2 Notable Iains 3 Fictional Iains 4 Fictional Ians 5 References 6 See also Notable Ians[edit] As a first name (alphabetical by family name)[edit] Ian Anderson – lead of rock band Jethro Tull Ian Astbury – singer of rock band The Cult Ian Bairnson – guitarist of The Alan Parsons Project and Pilot Ian Baker-Finch – golfer and 1991 British Open winner Ian Bannen – British actor Ian Willoughby Bazalgette – recipient of the Victoria Cross Ian Bell – English cricketer Ian Berry (disambiguation) Sir Ian Blair – former Head of the Metropolitan Police Service Ian Black (disambiguation) Sir Ian Botham – cricketer Ian Bolton – English footballer Ian Brady – Moors murderer Ian Bremmer – political scientist, author, entrepreneur Ian Broudie – singer in The Lightning Seeds, and music producer Ian Brown – singer and lyricist in The Stone Roses Ian Callaghan – Liverpool footballer with the most appearances Ian Callum – Design director for Jaguar Ian Carmichael – OBE, actor Ian Cashmore – broadcaster/presenter and paranormal investigator Ian Chappell – Former Australian cricketer Ian Charleson – Scottish/British actor Ian Clark (disambiguation) Ian Clyde – boxer Ian Collier – singer and actor Ian Cooper (disambiguation) Ian James Corlett – cartoon writer and voice actor Ian Crocker – swimmer Ian Curtis – singer and lyricist in Joy Division Ian Davis (disambiguation) Ian Desmond – Major League Baseball shortstop Ian Dury – singer and songwriter Ian Eagle – American sports announcer Ian Edmond – swimmer Ian Ferguson (disambiguation) Ian Flanagan – tennis player Ian Fleming – Novelist, creator of James Bond Ian Froman – South African-born Israeli tennis player and tennis patron Ian Frazier – writer and humorist Ian Gibson (disambiguation) Ian Gillan – lead singer of hard rock band Deep Purple Ian Gold – former American football player Ian Gomm – British guitarist and singer Ian Grist – British politician Ian Hallard - actor Ian Hamilton (disambiguation) Ian Harding – actor Ian Hart – actor Ian Haugland – Drummer for the band Europe Ian Healy – Former Australian Wicket-Keeper Ian Hecox – comedian with Smosh Ian Henderson (Britain) – former head of secret police in Bahrain, accused of torture Ian Henderson (ABC) – Australian news presenter Ian Henderson (football) – current Norwich City F.C. player in the FA Premier League Ian Henderson (rugby league) – Scottish rugby hooker who plays in Australia Ian Hicks (disambiguation) Ian Hill – Bassist for metal band Judas Priest Ian Hislop – Satirist and editor of Private Eye Ian Holm (born 1931) – British actor Ian Hornak – painter Ian Hunter – singer of Mott the Hoople Ian Huntley – double murderer Ian James – Olympic athlete Ian Joyce – American soccer player Ian Kennedy – Major League Baseball pitcher Ian Kershaw – historian Ian Kinsler – Major League Baseball second baseman Ian "Lemmy" Kilmister – singer/bass player in Motörhead Ian Krankie – entertainer Ian Lambert – educator Ian Laperrière – hockey player Ian Lavender – actor Ian Law – Australian footballer Ian Oswald Liddell – recipient of the Victoria Cross Ian Livingstone – author Ian Lorimer – television director Ian Lucas – politician Ian MacArthur – politician Ian MacDonald - author Ian MacKaye – musician Ian Mahinmi – basketball player Ian Martin (disambiguation) Ian Matthews – member of Fairport Convention and notable solo musician, reverted in 1989 to Iain Matthews Ian Matthews – drummer for Kasabian Ian Maxtone-Graham – television writer and producer Ian McCaskill – weather forecaster Ian McConville – webcomic artist of Mac Hall and Three Panel Soul Ian McCulloch – actor Ian McCulloch – singer in the band Echo & the Bunnymen Ian McCulloch – snooker player Ian McDiarmid – actor Ian McDonald – British musician, best known for being a member of both King Crimson and Foreigner Ian McEwan – novelist Ian John McKay – recipient of the Victoria Cross Sir Ian McKellen (born 1939) – actor Ian McLagan – English musician, best known for being a member of both Small Faces and Faces Ian McMillan – poet Ian McMillan – Scottish footballer Ian McShane – actor Ian Messiter – creator of Just a Minute Ian Moran – hockey player Ian Morris – Irish professional footballer Ian Morrison (disambiguation) Ian Morton - English cricketer Ian Mosley – drummer for Marillion Ian Murdock – computer professional, creator of the Debian project Ian O'Brien – swimmer Ian O'Reilly, Irish actor Ian Paice – drummer of Deep Purple Ian Paisley – Protestant politician Ian Patterson – English footballer Ian Peck – English cricketer Ian Pooley – German DJ Ian Poulter – English professional golfer Ian Punnett - American radio broadcaster and priest Ian Rankin – Scottish novelist Ian Reed – Australian discus thrower Ian Reid (disambiguation) Ian Richards – British race walker Ian Richardson – Scottish actor Ian Robinson (disambiguation) Ian Ross (disambiguation) Ian Rush – Welsh international footballer Ian Sanders - cricketer for Edinburgh, Scotland Ian Sangalang - Filipino professional basketball player Ian Scheckter – former South African F1 driver. He is brother of Jody Scheckter and uncle of Tomas Scheckter. Ian Scott (disambiguation) Ian Smith (disambiguation) Ian Smith – ex Rhodesian Prime Minister Ian Snell – Major League Baseball pitcher Ian Somerhalder – actor Ian Stanley – British musician Ian Stewart (disambiguation) Ian Stone – comedian Ian Stuart Donaldson – vocalist and frontman of controversial British band Skrewdriver Ian Svenonius – American musician Ian Thornley – Canadian musician Ian Thorpe – Australian swimmer Ian Thomson (disambiguation) Ian "Sam" Totman – British guitarist Ian Van Dahl – Belgian artist Ian Walker – British sailor Ian Waltz – American discus thrower Ian Watkins (born 1977), former lead singer of the alternative metal band Lostprophets, and convicted pedophile. Ian H Watkins (born 1976), British pop singer and actor, former member of Steps Ian Weatherhead – English watercolor artist Ian West (disambiguation) Ian Wilmut – English embryologist, best known for cloning Dolly the sheep Ian Wilson (disambiguation) Ian Wood (disambiguation) Ian Woosnam – Welsh golfer Ian Wright – footballer Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa – Birth name of musician Dweezil Zappa Ian Ziering – actor As a middle name[edit] Michael Ian Black – (often credited by his full name), American comedian Thomas Ian Nicholas – Actor and singer As a surname[edit] Janis Ian – singer and songwriter Scott Ian – stage name of Scott Ian Rosenfeld, guitarist with the metal band Anthrax Notable Iains[edit] Iain Archer – Northern Irish Singer-songwriter musician Iain Balshaw – MBE, English rugby player Iain Banks – Scottish writer Iain Black – British Columbia politician Iain De Caestecker – Scottish actor Iain Dowie – Northern Irish football manager Iain Durrant – Scottish footballer Iain Evans – South African field hockey player Iain Glen – Scottish actor, noted for his role in TV's Game of Thrones Iain Gray – Leader of Labour in the Scottish Parliament Iain Harnden – Zimbabwean hurdler Iain Lee – British comedian, TV presenter and radio presenter Iain Macleod – British politician Iain Macmillan – Scottish photographer, noted for his image of the Beatles walking across Abbey Road Iain David McGeachy – John Martyn, British singer-songwriter and guitarist Iain Paxton – Scottish rugby player Iain Smith – Scottish politician Iain Duncan Smith – Leader of the Conservative Party, 2001–2003 Iain Softley – film director Iain Stirling – TV presenter and comedian Iain Stewart (disambiguation) Iain Sydie – Canadian badminton player The Very Revd Iain Torrance – President of Princeton Theological Seminary and former Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland Fictional Iains[edit] Iain Sterling, a fictional character in the Android: Netrunner universe Fictional Ians[edit] Ian Hawke – the main antagonist in the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies Ian the Deer – Elliot's arch-rival in the Open Season movies Ian Beale – from the TV soap opera EastEnders Ian Chesterton – from the TV series Doctor Who Ian Slater – from the ABC soap opera All My Children Ian Craig – from the radio soap opera The Archers Ian Edgerton – FBI agent and sniper from the show Numb3rs Ian Gallagher – one of the main characters in the television drama, Shameless Ian Hainsworth - Susan Delfino's boyfriend in 3rd season of Desperate Housewives Ian Howe – an antagonist in National Treasure Ian Kabra – antagonist of The 39 Clues book series Ian Kelley – from the TV series Being Ian Ian Lewis and Ian Ketterman (together with dozens of other Ians) – characters created by Lee and Herring; the duo used 'Ian' as their de facto comedy name, in such sketches as the Ian News Ian – from Leprechaun 2 Ian Malcolm – from Michael Crichton's novel Jurassic Park Ian (MÄR) – a recurring character in the manga and anime series MÄR Ian Maxtone-Graham – from the TV series Suddenly Susan Professor Ian McClaine – adoptive father of Joe 90 Ian McKenzie – the liberal attorney from the novel and the film A Dry White Season Ian McKinley – from the movie Final Destination 3 Ian Miller – from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding Ian Murray- The Nephew of Jamie Fraser in Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series Ian O'Shea – from Stephenie Meyer's novel, The Host Ian Randall – from the 'Dichotic' episode of Smallville, a character who had the ability to duplicate himself Ian Raymond – Laura's boyfriend in the novel and film, High Fidelity Ian Schulenburg – Unseen husband of Harriet Schulenburg in Green Wing Ian Rider – From the Alex Rider books Ian Scuffling – Tyrone Slothrup's adopted name after he goes into hiding in Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow Ian Thomas - Ryan Merriman's character in the TV series Pretty Little Liars. Ian – from Shane Jiraiya Cummings' short story, "Ian". Every male character who the protagonist meets is called Ian Ian – from Sarah Kane's play, Blasted References[edit] Jump up ^ "Name: Ian". BabyNames.co.uk. Baby Names UK. Retrieved 2015-01-01. Jump up ^ "Top 200 Most Popular Names in England and Wales in 1900". British Baby Names. 21 August 2012. Retrieved 2015-01-01. See also[edit] John (given name) Eoin Ioan (disambiguation) IANS (disambiguation) Categories: Scottish masculine given namesGiven namesEnglish masculine given namesMasculine given names Navigation menu Create accountLog inArticleTalkReadEditView history Main page Contents Featured content Current events Random article Donate to Wikipedia Wikipedia store Interaction Help About Wikipedia Community portal Recent changes Contact page Tools What links here Related changes Upload file Special pages Permanent link Page information Wikidata item Cite this page Print/export Create a book Download as PDF Printable version Languages Deutsch Suomi Svenska Edit links This page was last modified on 10 April 2015, at 09:48. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License; additional terms may apply. By using this site, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., a non-profit organization.

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How do you make a baby cry? You punch him him the gut and slap him multiple times.

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Roses are red, foxes are clever, I like your butt, let me touch it forever!

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cool story bro. tell it again. tell it at a party.

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"What happened to John after he got drunk 12 years ago"- police "I don't really don't know that question"- John Jr.

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A man finds an old lamp, rubs it, and releases the genie trapped inside. The genie grants him three wishes. So the man wishes for a million more wishes and uses them all wisely,

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How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

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tobi is so gay that he is the mayor of sanfrancisco

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Irrelevant. The road is no place for chickens.

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Why is it as hot as the sun? Because it is the sun

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Why did hitler commit suicide He looked at his gas bill

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Why couldn't the young girl play outside with her friends? She was bed ridden with terminal cancer.

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Q: Why was Sally crying? A: Because someone punched her in the face

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try and beat the oncoming car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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