A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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Patient: Hey doc, I think I might have a tumor... Doc: Don't worry, it's all in your head.

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What do you call a sexually abusive man. Dad.

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Why women like NBA players so much? Because they have money.

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Why did Susy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? NOT SUSY!

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If I said "This AntiJoke will get thumbs up" It will get thumbs up

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What's black, white and red all over? A popular novel printed in multiple languages.

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A Jew, an African American, and a homosexual are on an island. They all came to Manhattan for different reasons and are enjoying the lives they've built there.

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Watermelons don't have feet.

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What is a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Why the long face?" The bartender backhands the man making him fall off of his stool.

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Quess what the trash man did today? He took my trash.

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Why couldn't Michael ask out Mary? Because Mary had been dead for dead for 10 years.

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What does Helen Keller put at the end of every sentence? A period.

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What has five letters and sounds like "trucks?" Vroom

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Oliver O'Farkle walks into a blue room carrying a bag of oranges and Swanson J. Doople walks into the same room in a parallel universe carrying a ballpeen hammer. How much collective space do the two women occupy and will they be able to make the 4pm train to Terre Haute? No, because the train is running late so transportation efficiency on the day in question proves impossible.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had to arms. Knock knock Who's there? Well clearly not Sally

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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a pint.. But is immediately turned away as dogs are not allowed in pubs.

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What did the young boy say to the adorable kitten? "Aww"

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Imagine Buzz Lightyear standing on the edge of a cliff. He jumps off hoping to fly. He manages to glide for a little bit until a bird crashes into him a cause one of his wings to break. What happens then? Simply imagine him turning into bird.

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Why was Thomas Jefferson chosen to write the Declaration of Independence? He was an educated man and seemed suitable for said job.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? i have no idea but i hope he got to the other side safely.

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Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries.

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What did little Jimmy say when he met God ? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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