What do you do if a blond throw a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you've been denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

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ask if someone wants to hear a joke then say "never mind"

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A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

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Why did the man drink the milk? Because he was a baby.

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Why did the man die from drinking the water? It wasn't water, it was acid.

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what did the fish say when he was eaten by a shark nothing fish cant talk

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Why did the chicken cross the road? ..... he didn't

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whats one word that gets everyones attention? rapist,bomb,and sex

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Women's rights

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- Server, there's a hair in my soup ! - You're right, sir, I'll give you another soup imminently.

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Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

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What the corn in the core? The mexican antelope.

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I saw a Chinese guy and a black guy talking to each other today, it gave me hope... For another rush hour movie

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A man spills his his drink. Like any other man would do, he got some paper towels and some mult-purpose cleaner and proceeded to wipe up the mess. Not a further word was said about the situation.

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Hippopatomous!

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omg this doesn't work 1.hold breath for 5 minutes 2.die it doesn't work cause you would just knock yourself unconconsiuse and your body will start breathing for you again until you wake up

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How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

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what did the lawyer say to the lawyer? "whats up lawyer?" what did the banana say to the banana? nothing bananas dint talk...

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why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad. salads can't fly planes.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A treadmill... did I mention he was kinda fat?

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How do you push a blond off a cliff? Push here.

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What's big, red and eats rocks? A big, red Rock-Eater

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I met an Asian man in Beijing, and he had very small feet. You know why? He was a midget.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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