A wise man once said, "Your life is your habits." So simple yet so true. My habits include: Breathing, having my heart beat, producing brain waves, and other regulatory bodily processes.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did one raccoon say to the other? A: We do not know, as raccoons do not speak any human language. And no human being can understand or communicate with one.

thumb_up thumb_down

roses are red vioets are blue i have chlamydia now so do you....

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

what's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? the holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the little girl screaming? She was on fire. ~G TY

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's green and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar. What's missing? The joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Dear diary, its day 230, the apple supply's are running low, the doctors are closing in, the dentists have been chanting "its time to go to the dentist" all day, I wont be able to hold them back much longer, help.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a mexican running out of a bank? A man running late to pick up his kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

what did the ninja say to the watermelon nothing that was chuck norris's watermelon

thumb_up thumb_down +84

What did the pacific ocean do to the Atlantic ocean? He waved.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why is thus joke stupid? because it is! deal with it!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Someone said you sound like an owl Who?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A. Four gay men walked into the bar there was one stool left what did they do? B. They flipped the chair upside down By grant c

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wanna hear a joke? Good, go ask a comedian.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock. Knock. Who's there? Sgt. Richard, here... your son was raped many times by Iranian soldiers, then forced to make love to many goats and had his limbs chopped off.. he will never be able to walk, talk or poop without assistance again. OH MY GOD, NO!.. WHY!!! Haha just kidding mam, he stepped on a landmine and died.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why didn't the blonde have friends? She couldn't find them at the store.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

why didnt anyone like matt adams? cuz hes a stupid buttface

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q: how many people with adhd does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: wanna go ride bikes?

thumb_up thumb_down -118

What is the difference between a jew and a tree a tree is awesome and a jew is a jew

thumb_up thumb_down +133

On a scale of Voldemort to Nigel Thornberry, how large is your nose?

thumb_up thumb_down +101

The term "serial killer" is a bit strong...i prefer "ghost manufacturer"

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops