A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What is the difference between dead babies and a corvette? There is no corvette in my garage

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How do you prevent aids? Nail an orphan to your genitals before sex.

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What does a farmer say when he can't find his tractor? - Where's my tractor?

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Why did the man drink the milk? Because he was a baby.

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What a russian says to another russian? I don't know, but it must be somthing in russian.

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What's big, brown, and barks? Tree

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What's red, loose, and easy to wear? A rock. I lie about everything.

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Where did Martha go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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emma: how will we survive zombies? mat t: just give me a blow job ......4 seconds later emma: so what now?

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http://attachments.conceptart.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=351301&stc=1&d=1208673890

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? He was on his way home from work and saw some youths loitering on the street corner and thought it best to avoid them and therefore any possible confrontation. He would also appreciate it if you would call him something along the lines of Bravery impaired instead of a chicken as he finds it offensive and doesn't fully understand the avian reference to his lack of confidence.

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why did the pirate not get in to the pirate movie it was rated arrrrrr

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Charlie Sheen walks into a bar, he relapses.

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A moose walks into a grocery store, he asks the deer where he could find some bisquits, the deer says "oh it's in aigle 6." So the moose goes to aigle 6...and there ain't no bisquits!

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

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Hippopatomous!

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A guy walks into a bar and says "hey can I get a strong drink" and the bartender says "no we don't allow blacks in this bar" and he was then pushed to the ground and thrown out.

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What do you call Chuck Norris when there is a bullet inside of him? Dead.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Cheese

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There's some good news and some bad news. The bad news is there isn't any good news.

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What`s that CREAM that comes out of you when your mom puts a WHIP on you with a switch? WHIPCREAM!

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"Knock Knock" "Whos there?" "Its Adolf, we're going to camp."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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