Why did the jew tie his shoes? because his shoes were untied

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A seal walks into a club and gets hammered.

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There once was a man from Peru, Who fell into an extremely deep sleep and woke up just before he choked to death on his shoe rubber.

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What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

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What does Ke$ha feel like when getting up in the morning? Shit because she has a nasty hangover.

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What's worse than finding your dad's wedding ring while fingering your sister ? 3 bee stings.

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A: ask me if I'm a truck. B: why? A: just ask me. B: are you a truck? A: no.

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who steals more than a black person?, a pirate.

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Q: How do you learn the best break dance moves? A: I don't know. You figure it out.

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What do you call a guy being followed by about 30 others with high powered rifles? A military general serving for his country.

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What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

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A boy asks his teacher to go to the bathroom, she says ok but only if he can sya the alphabet. He says ok, but for some reason skips the letter P. How come? -Because he has a sever learning disability and is having a hard time remebering all the letters of the alphabet

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What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

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Why was the white guy eating himself? He was a autocannibal.

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What do you call a gay man who has sex with a woman? A bisexual.

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A genie came out of a lamp explain?

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How is butter and your mom similar? They both consist of much fat.

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Oh my God, my friend just got hit by a truck. Lets go get ice cream

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knock knock whos there? the police, your under arrest

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? Its socially acceptable to sit on a bench.

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Q: What did the man say before he was stabbed? A: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Traveling Salesman.

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There was a homeless man living all by his lonesome on a street corner, desperately begging for money. Suddenly, a car comes to a screeching halt and out of the window flies a thin, square piece of plastic. The hobo successfully catches it in both hands. "Whats dis?" he says, "What da hick can I do wid a stinkin wada plastic?" he says, failing to realizing the significance of the thin square of plastic, for he is but a hobo and has been out of touch with reality for quite some time. After some time, he gains back his common sense, "Aha!" he shouts, "it is but a condom!" A few days pass, the man wondering alone in search for a way to make use of his prized, plastic square. He encounters a beautiful female hobo (at least he thinks she is) and they make love. So not only does the hobo make use of the silly condom (which expired-he just doesn't know) he get's laid and keeps warm in the brutal winter weather by getting cozy with the hobo chick. There are some pros in being a hobo, you know. After a month, both hobos make the faithful decision to join their cardboard boxes together, thus creating a new home where they live happily ever after <3

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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