What do you call a Mexican baptism? A blessed occasion.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Women's Sports

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why does a trash can smell bad? Because there's trash in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Knock Knock Who's there? Jimmy Tyler, your son Hi son *continues to open door

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why do black people eat so much fried chicken? Because it's delicious!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What was the little boy doing in the deep end of the swimming pool? Drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a group of white guys playing basketball in Philadelphia? Actually, that already seems like a pretty good summary of the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Guess What? What? Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did Billy get a 102% on his Algebra test? He got all of the questions correct including the bonus question. Oh, and he slept with the teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A woman walks into a bar. She gets hit on by every guy in the bar. After hours of being hit on she finally has enough and asks the guys to stop. The guys Say "ok im sorry". She leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How many times have I told you not to do that? Fourteen.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

why did the baby bird fall out of the nest? while the mother bird was away a cat knocked over the nest. needless to say the baby bird died.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What is big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? My d**k.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, " I forgot to store nuts for winter and now I am dead." Its funny because the squirrel gets dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you find the population of Mexico? You take a census count by mail and/or a door to door questionnaire.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a chest of drawers. The Englishman put a flask of coffee in the top drawer without even looking. Diane hates wrestling.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Tommy has no arms and legs. What did he get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops