A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He said it was a great place to retire.

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Whats better than the holocaust. Darfur

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Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? He's not doing anything, sir. He's dead.

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Why was the man so unhappy. he died

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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is mayonnaise an instrument?

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They are obviously different species but they both have wings and are birds and are actually pretty similar. Geese are usually bigger though I guess.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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A seal walks into a club.

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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??????????????(?)/// ????????(^0^)/

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Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

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yo mama's so fat, we are all extremely concerned about her health

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A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a soda. The bartender says, "We don't serve soda." The guy then says, "oh", and walks out.

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a black guy leaves prison

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What did the poor guy get for christmas? The homeless guy.

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Q: why did the little girl cry on Christmas? A: because she got a dead cat.

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what do u call a gay bird a gaybird

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

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What do you get when you cross a lion with a rhinoceros? A trip to the hospital and animal cruelty charges.

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Not Steve Jobs.

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Dave: Hey, Doug! How was your day? Doug: My mother is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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