Knock Knock Come in

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Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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What did the fish say when it hit the wall? "Dam."

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what do you call a shoe with legs? roadrunners.

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What's worse then AIDS? Chad Wolbert

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Jay Leno: The economy is so bad.. Audience: how bad is it?! Jay Leno: Very bad.

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Wats a joke?

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Knock, knock. Come in!

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What is worse than peeling a orange that is chasing a dog with raining men? Meeting johnny appleseed

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What do chicken babies have in common? They both taste like chicken.

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What's the difference between your wife and a female dog? none - they are both bitches!

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How do you stop a plane? Throw flying birds at it.

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A fat guy at starbucks, waiting for his regular 160lbs breakfest. why is the 10 black kid crying? he's hungry and there is no starbucks in somalia .

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What is brown and sticky? A Stick

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What's worse than getting a detention? Slavery...just kidding that was a good thing!

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knock knock. whos there?(haha ive never made my own joke before) Nick Nick who? Nick Saghir Oh, come in. Would you like some cookies?

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whats worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it? being raped by justin beiber

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An illegal Mexican immargrant was deported for the selling an use of marijuana. the sad part is this happens everyday

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if quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? testicle

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Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Rape.

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure. Ok.

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Why do black people eat at KFC? Because KFC serves good food at reasonable prices.

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i cannot get my penis to rise to the occasion, it is the holocaust tho..

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They give psychiatric patients acting classes in order for them to express and as such heal themselves? Excuse me fucktard! A guy that has deluded himself into believing he is the 11.356th Napoleon does not require further acting classes!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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