Knock knock *runs away laughing*

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Photoshop

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A man and woman are out to eat on their first date. When the woman goes to pay, the man explains that he will cover the cost of the meal. That's a good thing because the woman didn't actually have any money. This happens all the time.

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roses are red, violets are violet

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your mom is so old she was put in an old age home

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So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

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Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

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Amputations.

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Why couldn't the 10 year old see the Pirate Movie? Because he was dead...

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A blonde is a Homo sapien (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans . A mosquito on the other hand is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat).

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This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other is decorative.

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what do you call a slave with a dream of being free? whatever his name happens to be

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What's red and smells like cherries? Cherries

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Chuck Norris died.

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what do you get when you mix a bever and a racoon? A bevecoon!

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Hey, do you want to play the r.a.p.e game ? NO! That's the spirit

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What did the dead baby say to his mother? Nothing. He's dead.

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Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

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what's worse than one scoop of ice crea falling on the floor? - the holocaust what's worse than two scoops of ice cream falling on the floor? - nothing

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What's white and likes to likes to take frequent jogs? Stephen Hawkings, I meant so say remain motionless

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whats worse than bitting into a apple a finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just killed noddy who was hiding in ur apple

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What call a duck with no wings? A deformity.

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Q: What did the hobo get for his birthday? A: Older.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops