What did Grandma give her grandson Billy for Christmas? Scarring memories of sexual abuse.

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Waiter, waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Sorry about that sir, we will replace your order and make your meal complementary.

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In Soviet Russia, you shit on bird.

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What do airplanes and grapes have in common? They both have wings, except a grape doesn't.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms or legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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Womens' rights.

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't - red is the natural colour for ripe tomatoes.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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hi

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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What did the Muslim do after his friend told him a funny joke ? Laugh.

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Why was Superman white? Because Jerry Siegel is a racist.

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whats stupid and likes dumb jokes? you.

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If you are a girl reading this! why did you stop making some food?

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Shit happens. Correction: feces happens.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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why did the chicken cross the road?? to go shopping for some aspirin because one of his children recently developed a raging headache and it was only logical for him to go to the pharmacy that was conveniantly placed across the road.

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

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Yo mama so fat she has an increased risk of blood clots!

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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One time I went into a haunted house. It was just pretend ghosts but then I saw a real ghost there. It was scary.

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what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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