Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm not a very good poet

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What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Run.

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Q: How many cantaloupes can you fit into Jackie Chan's basement? A: 4

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why do cats hate dogs? because cats were bullied by dogs in highschool.

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What is the most effective abstinence plan? There is none.

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How do you kill one Jew. A gun. How do you kill a thousand Jews. With a millon angery germans.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Chaney is a dumb b****

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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what do you call an icy road? dangerous.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had a huge appendage; his arm has been swollen from birth. What a bummer

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What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney loves you.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gregory Pelnick

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Why did the monkey eat his own poop? Because there was minimal resources where he was so he resorted to eat his own fecal matter

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

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i'm on the sea food diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSUCKMYDICK

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I cat tried to jump over a fence It was electrified

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josh roberts you speccy cuunt

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're allergic to flowers So this poem will kill you

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his head.

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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