So there was a pirate, he got shot in the back. And when he got shot he turned to his freind (fellow pirate) and said i have been shot and there is a pretty good chance i will die.

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A blonde's house is on fire so she calls the fire department and they ask her how to get there. She gives them the address, but they hear her wrong and she dies a horrible fiery death.

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How do you realize your life is over? You don't, but the coroner does.

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When geese fly, they often fly in a V-formation. Why is one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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What do you call three black men in a car? One driver, and two passengers.

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I soaked it in the blood of small children.

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Why did Rose throw the clock out the window? Because she's a moron.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Have you heard the story of the empty room? Theres nothing in it.

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-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

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Women's sports.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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What do you call a Mexican who gets shot on a golf course? A tragic incident.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What's long, hard, and full of semen? a penis.

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What's the difference between video games and a naked chick? The Holocaust.

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Why was the black man screaming? The KKK was coming to lynch him.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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