What did one muffin say to the other muffin? I don't know what they said, but one muffin, had a knife.

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Why did the kitten cross the road? Because its owners abandoned it.

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What did the drug addict say to the doctor? I am a drug addict and am in need of help and rehabilitation.

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Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

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Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

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If Donald Trump was in Game Of Thrones, he'd probably be a part of The Wall.

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why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

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How do you put 100 kids on a girls face ? skeet

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Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

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God is real.

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knock knock *opens door* WE DON'T WANT ANY!

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What do you call a chicken with the head of a shark? A genetic anomaly.

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Q: how do you get a clown off a swing? A: You hit it with a axe

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a black man and a Mexican are in the back seat of the car. whos driving the car? their best friend

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A man walks into a bar and orders four shots. Before the bartender asks "If it really is that bad of a day". The man says "Yea I need this shit". The next day the bar is overwhelmed with police and investigators. The bartender had emptied a revolver in the tired business man's face and vanished.

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What did the Asian get on his math assignment? 56%, he forgot about it and passed it in a day late with a number of questions uncompleted.

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What did the Macedonian guy say to the Croatian guy? Both of our countries are from the former Yugoslavia.

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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what do you do after throwing a water bottle in the trash? Hug a tree

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why couldnt the african child eat enough food? he didnt have a mouth.

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What's worse than forgetting to charge your cell phone battery? Getting wrongfully accused and going to jail and get raped by inmates for the rest of your life.

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what's the best way to remove leaves from a tree? take them off

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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