How do you put your babysitter in jail? Kill your kid on her shift.

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What did I say to the joke? What? Correct.

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Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

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Whats worse than going to jail for the rest of your life? Going to jail naked for the rest of your life.

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why did my BFF hate me?i called her an idiot on all the holidays including her birthday

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Potatoes have skin, i have skin, so therefore i must be a pig

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How many inches of snow are there when the fireplace burns for 10 minutes? Red chickens

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Well, it all depends on the size of the bathtub.

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Why did the pirate have a peg leg? Diabetes

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What's long, dark, and smelly? The unemployment line.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I'm Schizophrenic And so am I.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because the amount of times people reused this joke on this site made her so annoyed much she wanted to hurt herself.

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Your moma so ugly she should go see a plastic surgeon.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool then don't let her come up for air.

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Why was Joe lying on the ground? Because he got shot.

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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what did the woman say when the guy told her he liked her christmas tree? thank you.

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What did the homosexual farmer say when he answered the phone? Hello

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Gary: Stick your tongue out and say "I live in a pirate ship" Bruce: *sticks tongue out* "I lib inna pile of shiiit."

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Q:How do you sleep with Paris Hilton? A:You don't. she got herpes.

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If Alex Maitland reads this he is gay

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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