What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's tall, has a really long neck, and eats leaves? My tall vegan neighbor's giraffe

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

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Q: How man Jews can you fit in a box? A:if your German than you tell me.

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So I was flirting with a girl at a bar the other day when this huge black guy walks up and says "Hey honey". I realized that I still had some un-addressed prejudices in me as he shook my hand, pointed out that it was a mistake anyone could make, and introduced me to a girl he had met at the college he works at.

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What were the pilots' of Malaysia Airlines Missing plane favourite programs? Lost...

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why did the chicken cross the road it didn't it got hit y a car

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What did the Banana say to the human. Nothing, because bananas are not capable of talking

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A boy plays in his garden. Then he fall and his knee hurts a lot, but he doesn't cry. Do you know why? Because he's dead.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, ask the chicken.

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What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

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Why was there no girl on the swing set? She decided to get off of the swings.

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"I'm gonna fight fire with fire!" "won't you just get more fire?" "True..."

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Why was the house on fire? A dog peed on it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You know most poems rhyme, This one doesn't

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How do you make a lawyer cry? You can't. The production of tears requires a soul, which, regretfully, no lawyer possesses.

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bunnies are fluffy just like yo mama

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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Chuck Norris was dropped twice when he was a baby, once on concrete and once on hardwood

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops