Why did the cow fall Cause a fat kid pushed him over

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hi hey i hate you why you ate my mother she tasted good i like fried chicken ITS A SMALL WORLD! SO DO I well lets go to the beach ok

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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OSS ARE RED VIOLENTS IS BLUE U BELONG THE ZOO I WILL BE THERE TO BUT LAUGHIN AT U

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

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There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

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Scrooge McDuck dives headfirst into his pool of gold coins... He breaks his neck from the impact of the landing and dies.

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And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark skinned servant lady ... slave Whenever I could get away from the Mrs., I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses. But let's be serious, I'd still work you full time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.

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What is the sun's favorite day of the week? The sun is a mass of incadescent gas and cannot feel emotions; therefore, it cannot have a favorite day of the week.

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A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

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What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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A couple elopes in Vegas. The next morning while eating breakfast the woman tells her husband she thinks it was a mistake, using her alcoholism as an excuse for her inability to make practical decisions. The man proceeded to cry and called his attorney to arrangea proper divorce.

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What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Irish sunglasses

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What did the man say after jumping into a well? He didn't say anything because he died instantly after jumping head first into a dry, 20 foot well. His family mourned for three days.

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a man walked into a bar, sat down and had a drink with his friends.

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Why did the chicken die? Because it was crossing a busy road.

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Why cant Helen Keller drive a bus? Cuz she's dead!

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How did the the the police know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head & shoulders in the glove compartment.

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Evan Ramsey hahaha go CAD

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Paper or plastic? Yes...

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Q: how do you get an clown off a unicycle A:You hit it with a police baton

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What did the man say to the cat? I thought you were fake.

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Dad always said that laughter was the best medicine. Maybe that's why he died of tuberculosis.

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A mexican fast food worker accidentally drops a cheeseburger on the ground. Realizing the floor is most likely unsanitary, he throws it out and gets the customer a new one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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