Two guys walk into a bar, but the third guy is a duck.

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What do you get when you offer a blond a penny for his thoughts? Change.

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did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

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Why did the cookie go to the doctors? It didn't because cookies are Inanimate and are incapable of mobility

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What happens if you accidentally say your best-male friend's name instead of your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, they're both named Adam.

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what did god say when we made his first nigga oops i acidenlty burnt it

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What is a gremlin's favorite snack? Gremlins aren't real.

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Communism hehe xd

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What looks like a rainbow but isn't seen in the sky? A drawing of a rainbow

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What do you call an old lady walking down the street? Widowed.

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What did the gym coach tell his student? Come on! You can do it! Push harder!

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Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because they wouldn't be able to live anywhere else.

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After going at it for several minutes, the teenager, with a big grin in his face, finally busted a nut during Thanksgiving dinner and was able to remove the walnut from its shell and enjoy it.

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You know what's sad and Funny? When a guy walks into a gay bar and doesn't get hit on.

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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Adeeeellllleeeee where are my shorts

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Why did the dinosaurs become extinct? Because they wanted to.

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My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

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A black guy, a Jew and a Mexican walked into a bar...so I didn't....not because of their race but because I had already spent all of my money at the gay bar.

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why couldn't jimmy play on the swings at recess.. Because he's been dead for 5 years

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What's worst than realizing your mom is actually a transvestite? Simultaneously realizing this means you are adopted

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How many black people does it take to tar a roof? Just one. Unless he wants to do it in a shorter amount of time and calls a few friends to help him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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