Jeez Bill, how drunk was I last night? You took my pet parakeet, threw it at my daughter's piggy bank and yelled "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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What's brown and sticky? A black man covered in syrup.

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whats brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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Your mom is so fat, she weighs 732 kilograms.

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why did the black man shoot himself? because he commited a crime and was sorry for what he had done

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whats the point of anti jokes? A: the point that it is no point

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Yo momma is so fat that she is in the guinness records

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an 80 yr old man apllies to walmart

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jasper walks into a bar, he sees an elephant and can't believe his eyes. he says "HORGWARSH!"

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why were the niggas in paris? rhetorical question. everyone knows they aren't french

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What did the guy say to the other guy? Hello.

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A man was struck by lightning. What did you think he got super powers or something? No. He died a horrible death

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he was eaten alive!!!

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Q: What do you call a pair of dead babies lying on the ground? A: Slippers

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Why can't Helen Keller just kidding she's dead

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What's special about an Irish Parachute ? It's made in Ireland.

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why don't bears wear shoes? because they have bear feet

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What was the black kid carrying when he was running down your street? His television set

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Ross.

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When life gives you Live Aid, celebrate the fact that you've just gone back in time 27 years and somehow cheated death temporarily.

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What happens when you mix breed a cat and a human?? .. you get arrested and get raped by your fellow prisoners DONT do it!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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