How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Scrooge McDuck dives headfirst into his pool of gold coins... He breaks his neck from the impact of the landing and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what's worse then death? finding that your adopted, no one loves you and you mother raped you at the tender age of five.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark skinned servant lady ... slave Whenever I could get away from the Mrs., I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses. But let's be serious, I'd still work you full time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats brown and sticky? Doody

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A mexican fast food worker accidentally drops a cheeseburger on the ground. Realizing the floor is most likely unsanitary, he throws it out and gets the customer a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Katy perry isn't on clould nine because it's physicaly impossible to stand on water persipitation.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the blind man say to his wife? -would you mind helping me upstairs, for I cannot see.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

You die of loss of blood, under a pile of first-aid kits

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the homeless man find on the side of the street? A pile of dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the cow say moo? Cows can't say anything they actually make noises that humans interpreted as "moo"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the man say after jumping into a well? He didn't say anything because he died instantly after jumping head first into a dry, 20 foot well. His family mourned for three days.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the blonde put on a coat? because she was cold.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Is it a bird, Is it a plane, I don't know what it is but it's heading straight for the World Trade Centre

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A couple elopes in Vegas. The next morning while eating breakfast the woman tells her husband she thinks it was a mistake, using her alcoholism as an excuse for her inability to make practical decisions. The man proceeded to cry and called his attorney to arrangea proper divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

a man walked into a bar, sat down and had a drink with his friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why couldn't the infant read the book? Because he was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you make a girl scout cry? Kill her family.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the Macedonian guy say to the Croatian guy? Both of our countries are from the former Yugoslavia.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? a mexican has elbows.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops