What has 389,236,587 arms, has rainbow colored fur, and fornicates on your front lawn? Absolutely nothing. That's pretty much physically impossible.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

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How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

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A white kid, a black kid, and an Asian kid all try out for the basketball team. Which one makes the team? All of them, because they are all very good.

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Why is the dog in the driver seat? Why is there birds making you filet mignon? Why is your toe blue? I don't know the answer. Go talk to your doctor

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How do I become successful like you dad? Just do good.

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A guy says to a palm reader "You look like you've seen a ghost. Palm reader replies "You've got cum on your hand."

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Q: if it takes a week to walk a fortnight how many pounds of oranges can you fit in a grapegruit. A: None, because there is no bones in ice cream

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Did u hear about the jew that bought something not on sale? Neither did i.

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Why did nobody bother to help the old lady cross the road? Because her actions in recent years had given rise to considerable division and ill-feeling within the community.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Why was the woman worried? She was coughing up blood

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Two frogs go to the bar only to leave because frogs can't open up doors.

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What is small, cries a lot, and moves at high speeds? A baby stapled to a car.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar, but then realises he's ruining his family so he calls the rehab

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If rocks were people, what would you call a bunch of marble rolling down a hill? Rocks don't have the ability to be people.

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i found the cure to cancer.......AIDS

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A house comes around the corner.

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Why'd the clown fall out of the tree? it died. Why'd the cat fall out of the tree? it died Why'd the chicken fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the clown

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Roses are red Violets are blue, Eat my anus with a spoon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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