Yo mama so stupid, she scored poorly on her SAT exams in high school. She was unable to recieve a college education. She now works as a full time waitress at a small diner. She earns minimum wage and is still getting nowhere on her search for a better job.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

thumb_up thumb_down

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why did the black man die poor? A: Because he was financially irresponsible and wasted the millions left to him by his father fueling his alcohol addiction, slowly grinding away at his organs until he died of cirrhosis of the liver.

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Man #1:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: I don't know Man #1: Because he died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Because he died? Man #1: Yep. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Really? Come on, I've already answered your stupid question. Man #1: JUST ANSWER! Man #2: Fine, because he died. Man #1: No, peer pressure. Duh. Man #2 promplty punches Man #1 in the face and continues about his buisness.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Out of Jill, Jason, Jesse, Jane and Harold, which one is the odd one out? Jason, because he only has one arm.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was Jacob not allowed to play sports? He fell down in the middle off the street and got ran over 50 times and could never do anything again.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

a white van was driving really slow and he stopped in front 3 children. "do you want some candy" the old man said. the kids took the candy and the old man drove away happily, knowing he made someones day.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Do you know why the kid jumped down the 50 foot hole? I dont know, jump in and ask him.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Oh please! Come on! Those that got to us where mostly Russians remember? And what where my parents? (if you do not know you might have guessed it by now) I found a guy that looked about the same as me, messed him up and put my jacket on him, I do not die that easily. Anyway, id explain more, but I have been without these fucking painkillers so long that I am talking trash on this stupid site again... Seriously the pain I am used to, but this addiction on painkillers is a bitch... (shedog if censor got a hold on it) But it turns out I cant sleep without them, sleep just does not come anymore, so Ill go get some now. Who are you by the way? I am Nero7, Aka Axel Knight.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the boy eat his lunch money? it was his lunch!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

knock knock who's there jehovas witness... ...I allow them into my house for a cup of tea and a chat as I respect their religion

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Do cows get breast cancer or utter cancer?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the cow cross the road? He probably saw a delicious looking patch of grass on the otherside.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops