If you have a stroke, call 000

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whats the difference between harry potter and a jew? harry potter can escape the chamber

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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There are 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and sexy guy. They all work together and have lunch together. The fat guy opens his bag and eats a ham and turkey sandwich. The skinny guy opens his bag and eats a tuna sandwich. The sexy guy opens his bag and eats an egg sandwich. The fat guy finishes his meal. The skinny guy saves half for later. The sexy guy ate more than half of his food. A genie magically appears. The End

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A girl hands her boyfriend her phone and says it's his dad. He throws it on the ground exclaiming, "My dad's not a phone, duh!"

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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what's the only thing worse than losing a pen before a test? getting raped by a pedifile. -teagan doherty-

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Why did the man run away from the woman? He forgot his rape kit.

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What did the cripple wish for when he saw the shooting star? A toothbrush.

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Interviewer: Are you currently a smoker? Applicant: Are you implying that I look like a chimney?

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What do you give a gay guy on his birthday? a invition to strait camp

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Whats slower than molasses? A dead baby.

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What do you get when you cross a Chinese man with a dog? A happy Chinese man and a pile of dog bones.

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Why did the white guy die because he had cancer

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Why was little timmy crying? He walk in on his dad molesting a minor.

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What's worse than smelly feet? Smelly hands.

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What happened to the homeless man at midnight? He took a shit on the ground

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Whats yello and cant swim A bus full of dead children in a lake

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Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again?

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How do you make a pool table laugh? You cant it is'nt a living thing which means emotions.

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What's the difference between a duck? They are mostly the same, only one leg is shorter.

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What's the difference between celery and a truck?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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