Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red OMFG MY LAWN IS ON FIRE !!!?

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

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Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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What would George Washington say if he were alive? "Help! im stuck in a coffin!"

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Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

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What shall we do with the drunken sailor? Call the police to have him escorted off the boat for operating a large veichle under the influence of alcohol.

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Q. Whats blue and looks like a bucket? A. a blue bucket Q. whats green and looks like a bucket? A. a blue bucket in disguise.

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What doesn't kill you leaves you in a coma.

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Why isn't Billy Mays on TV anymore? Beacause Billy Mays was in a tradgic accident where a bowling ball fell on his head, and a couple days later he died of head trama. His family can't bear to hear his voice anymore.

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What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into your grandmother and finding a fish

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What happens when you rub two penises together? Gay sex.

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What did the tree say to the boy? Nothing. As i recall, trees are unable to speak and or show signs of emotion.

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Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

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What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

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A dog walks into a bar, followed by his blind owner.

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Q: What's worse than being raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by 2 giant scorpions, a fridge, some potatoes and a hule bunch of worms.

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What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

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What happened to the guy that got hit by a bus? He got hit by a bus and died.

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Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have 5 fingers. The middle one is for you.

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What is a black person's favorite food? It varies from person to person, just as with any race.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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