Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

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When you wish upon a star... You are only seeing the light of that star, which has taken billions of years to travel here. The star that you are looking at has most likely dead, Just like your dreams.

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A: What does MC Hammer like? B: Big Butts. A: Can he lie? B: No.

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what is worse than a hole in your sock? Getting raped

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Where is Jew University? Berlin, Germany

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

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What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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How many women can fit on a bus? It depends on the size of the bus.

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Once there was this duck. he was the best dentist in the world...

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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Why can't the orphan play baseball? He can't find home.

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What came first... the chicken or the egg? How am I supposed to know?

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A black man walks into a bar and he orders a margarita. The bartender says that the margaritas are exceptionally delicious in this bar. He was right.

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Q: What would happen if Chuck Norris was hit by an Astroid A: He would die.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Why was Martin Luther King shot? The shooter strongly disagreed with his viewpoints.

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

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Why did the cook throw up at McDonalds? Because his pay check was made out to the Ronald McDonald Foundation.

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I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

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I know that a lot of people don't like morbid jokes, for it isn't everybody's cup of liquidized dead baby.

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A Redhead, a Blonde, and a Brunette are all standing on top of a cliff in Ireland. They took a few pictures, and all in all it was a lovely vacation.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

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A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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