My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

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My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

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What type of pants do Mario and Luigi wear? Levi or Denim, I'm not sure why but probably because you can get a nice fitting pair for only a couple of bucks.

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jews

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A blonde walks into a bar. She enjoys a refreshing, cold beverage with friends before returning home to sleep ahead of another day of hard work as a scientist.

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WARNING: this is a black joke Why does everybody hate darth vader? he is all black

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What did the asian kid do before he got a blood test? He studied.

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A black woman and a white woman are in a bar. They don't talk to each other though because they don't know each other. THE END.

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What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

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Why'd the kid stick ice up his nose? To keep his lunch cold.

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Why was little timmy crying? He walk in on his dad molesting a minor.

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What did the man say before he killed himself? I am going to kill myself

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what's the worst lie in the universe? I swear to god that was my last piece of gum

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Why did the shrimp refuse to share? Because he was a little shellfish.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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What did the woman say when she ate crabs. This smells like my vagina (This women died slowly from crabs)

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What's better than a $75 000 salary? 80 000 sticks of celery.

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Why did the pony say neigh? That`s all he can say

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I..

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Have you heard that Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street are gay? If so, than whoever told you may be mentally challenged, Bert & Ernie are both puppets which even though they resemble people with active personalities, they remain puppets and do not have a sexual oreintation.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey! Got any grapes?" The man then realized he was hallucinating because ducks are unable to speak proper english.

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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