What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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Why did the car drink Slurpies? I don't know. Why? Doorknob. Carl was unsure on what his friend, Frank meant when he told his joke, but then again who IS sure? Frank is the only one who truly knows what happened that day on August 13th 2010 when his mother came over for a surprise visit to her son's house just as Frank was heading out the door about to get in his truck and buy groceries, unaware that his mother was standing outside and bending over to ring the door bell not to expect Frank opening the door with his quick and violent actions thus hitting his mother in the face as the door swung open. Frank hadn't known his mother was at his house nor even remembered him but there she was, past out bleeding to death on his front lawn. It was Frank's fault that day, when his mother past away and reason why Frank hides his anger through his jokes. If only he hadn't opened that door he tells himself every night. Now he's cursed himself with his odd humour of using doorknobs as punchlines to hide his grief of his loss. And with that, Carl replies; Ummm.... I don't get it.

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A man and a hobo meet on a narrow path. What does the hobo do? Finds the mans wife and impregnateds her, aborts the baby, takes dead fetus chops it up and makes the man eat it in a salad. While the man is chocking he shotes him and walks on.

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Why did the man give money to a drug dealer? He lost a bet.

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u know whats a crime? rape

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little miss muffit sat on her tuffit eating her curds and weigh along came a spider and sat down beside her and said hey whats in the bowl?

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Why did you mom shop at Wal-Mart? She had a coupon

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? Because it was summer and the grass had extensive growth, so much so, that it proceeded to spread to his neighbors yard. His neighbor then called HOA, and thus, the unruly grass was taken care of.

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What did the blonde order in the restaurant? A cup of coffee.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Mary.

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Roses are blue Violets are red It's fascinating what genetic engineering can do

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What has 17 eyes, 43 toes, 11 feet and, 9 heads? A 17 eyed- 43 toed- 11 footed- 9 headed monster.

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This is an anti-joke. It is not funny because "anti" means the opposite of something.

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Why did the fish look like a human? Because it was a person, drowning.

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Why was Tommy late for school? He got raped by spiderman.

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

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How many wheelchair users does it take to change a light bulb? - They are not physically capable

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I woke up in bed with someone this morning. I forget why this is a joke, but your mother is a whore.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was walking.

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Whats the difference between males and females? fe

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What do you call a black man in a suit and tie? Presumably affluent

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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What do you call a pig that does karate? By its name. Pigs are often referred to by something regarding the 'Oink' sound that they make. Perhaps in this instance, the pigs name was Oinky. However, this is only a supposition. The range of names is really too wide to make a fair prediction.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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