His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A:Knock knock B:Who´s there? A:Beat B:Beat who? A:Beat your ass if you don´t open that door!!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

your mummas so ugley that it looks like it court fire and your family put it out with forkes

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why can't girls count to seventy? Trick question. Clinical research has proven that a fair amount of girls are, in fact, capable of counting from one to seventy using ordinal numbers in the Arabic numeral system.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

how many licks does it take to get to the center of lollipop? unknown.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares what a Chicken does?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a really creepy movie

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Jacob loves stroking his gf's doodle every lunch break. He was embarrased cause it was bigger than his.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the difference between a Ferrari and 50 dead babies? Where the hell would you even find 50 dead babies? That would be really disturbing.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

reggin... its N I GG E R backwards

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He did not have sufficient stability in his arm at that moment causing him to loosen his grip and drop his ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did one orphan say to the other? 'Robin get in the car!'

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Two muffins were in a microwave. One muffin said, 'It's getting hot in here." What did the other muffin say? Nothing, muffins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Two women are sitting next to each other in a bar minding their own business.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Whose there? Obviously not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

this is not a drill.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

whats worse than being raped by a giant scorpion getting raped by 2 giant scorpions

thumb_up thumb_down +20

your momma is so fat she has diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? I don't know, why don't you go ask him?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

One man's trash is another dyslexic man's shart.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops