What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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What is the street value of Amy Winehouse's ashes? Nothing. They are ashes, not drugs.

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LET'S PLAY CARDS SHUFFLE THE DECK *person with a deck-patio* no please don't

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Why did the cop hate black people? He was a racist.

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I am thinking of a number between 1 and 100 what is it There are many numbers between 1 and 100 so it is highly unlikely that I will guess the right number

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What did one lawyer say to the other? We are both lawyers. What did the stupid lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both pineapples.

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Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Eating the apple.

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Your moma so ugly she should go see a plastic surgeon.

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How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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what's the only thing funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? The look on the mom's face.

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Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a bus and didn't know! The funeral was touching and sad. Everyone cried. 2 weeks later..........Johnson ended his own life.......

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A man says to his wife, "Honey, sex just hasn't been the same lately." "That's probably because of my yeast infection," replies his wife.

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why did Lucy fall down? she got hit with a hammer

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Why bouriquet fall off the swing? Ask him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Go fuck yourself.

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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what do you call a girl with a pumpkin spice coffee in her hands? Jenifer

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What's brown and sounds like a bell? An old rusted bell.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there. Not Mary!!

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There once was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, her vagina fell off.

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What happened to the boy with cancer? He died

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2 wales are at the bar one looks at the other and dose a wale call for 5 long minutes and the other one reply's "dude your drunk we got to go"

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What is black and white, and red all over? A mutilated penguin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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