What do you call a baby with no arms or legs? You call a lawyer, and be sure to have him ask the mother if she took Thalidomide during pregnancy.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having a giant, angry ape on steroids rip your heart out and eat it before your eyes as you painfully die from the unbearable pain and rapid blood loss.

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What did the soldier get for his birthday? Shot in the face.

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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There are fewer coppers on sundays. As well as criminality.

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YOU

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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't Jelly your dick into your girlfriend's ass.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Dead.

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If the shoe fits....... its probably your size.

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So this squirrel is walking across the road when a HUGE truck comes and smashes him beneath the tire.

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Knock Knock -Who's there? No one -Ok

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How do you get to pigs in a pen? Move them.

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Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinsons..

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How do you make someone laugh? Tell them this joke.

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Stevie Wonders said to his friend, "Have you seen my house?" "No" "Neither have I"

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Knock knock. Who's there? Big Brother. Big Brother who? That's right. ALL are who, Akbar!

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A black man sits down to have a legal conversation with his state appointed attorney for the first time being arrested. They lawyer advises him to tell him the truth of exactly what happened. He proceeds to do so and is provided with excellent legal advice.

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What has 3 eyes, green fur and blue ears? Nothing.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms.

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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Why can't you fit 100 oranges in a bathtub? Because motorcycles don't have doors

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Knock Knock Who's There? Children Protective Services. Your kids are dead.

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What is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell on you? A pool table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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