What do you do if you find blood in your poo? Stop stabbing yourself in the arse with a fork on wednesdays...

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Sure, I was not born yesterday, sounds serious, what is it?

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how may horses can you fit in a blender i can't remember what is red and goes 100KPH a horse in a blender

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A devout Islamic man walks into a weapons of mass destruction store he is shocked and appalled at how easily such dangerous weapons can be bought.

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1 black guy jumped off a cliff at the same time as a white guy, who fell first? The one who weighed the most.

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im gay

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry Show me your tits

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So I picked my nose while peeing, and it fell in the toilet so I didn't have to wipe it on anything. This is more of a story I wanted to share than a joke

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, one to suck my dick!

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what do you call 3 mexicans in the back of a car? Carpooling to work to save on gas.

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RACIST JOKE Why did the racist cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.

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whats yellow and cant swim? a bulldozer,

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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You wanna pop a bottle? I hope you are referring to bottles of water as I am underage and I refuse to partake in any said consumption of alcoholic beverages

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How do you greet your great great grandmother born in 1738? Hey, what's up, hello.

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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Why is the baby not crying? Because it died of herpes. JUST KIDDING! Babies can't get herpes.

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How many sumo wrestlers does it take to lift a huge rock? The point of lifting a rock just to lift a rock is stupid, so why would you get 3 sumo wrestlers to come out and waste their time.

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Why couldn't the Asian man satisfy a woman? He was in a coma.

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WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND SAW PROSTITUTE OUT THE WINDOW AND SAID GRANDMA GRANDMA CAN I GO PLAY WITH THAT PROSTITUTE SHE SAID NO YOU CAN PLAY WITH ME BECAUSE I'M A PROSTITUTE TOO

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What did the girl say in her French lesson? Miss, I don't get it, its in a different language.

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Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? Perhaps he was doing a project on tree-life.

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why did the blonde get caught shop lifting? she wasnt a very good theif

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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