What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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roses are red violets are blue polar bears are white grass tends to be green

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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i have alzheimer's, so i forgot the punchline to this joke

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Knock knock Get off my porch homo

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to why did the bubble gum cross the road? it was on the chickens foot

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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Why was the woman so hot? she was on fire

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what is green and has weels? grass i was kidding about the weels.

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If a man dies in China, Does anybody care?

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I have an idea! You leave.

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The asian boy only did an hour of study....... nothing was heard of him after his mum found out

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What do you feel inside after eating an entire class of pre-schoolers? A stomach ache

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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Two elephants were out flying. Then one elephant said to the other: My grandmother has a pink toothbrush!

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What did the the man, the dog, and the psychiatrist talk about? The man's childhood experience losing his pet as a contributer to his symptoms of psychosis.

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Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

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A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar, but they're wearing normal people clothes, so no one notices or says anything funny.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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Q: Why was the man eating his foot? A: Because he was a part of the circus.

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How do you kill a ninja? Shoot him with a sniper rifle from a building. How do you make sure he's dead? Shoot him twice.

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What do you do when a bomb is exploding 2 inches away from you? You die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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