A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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How did little jimmy survive the plane crash? He ate all the survivors, then when the helicopter arrived he ate them too and took the helicopter.

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An Asian man walks into a bar and ask the Barman for a beer, the Barman is racist and therefore tells the Asian man to leave his pub. The man goes home and drowns his children in the bath and pushes his wife down the stairs, he is found out by the police and is given a life sentence in jail. 5 years later the Barman kills someone in a bar fight and is also sent to jail for life. The Barman meats the Asian man in prison and they settle there differences with a handshake. Two days later the Barman was stabbed in the neck.

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have u been drinking cannabel soup because you........ahhhhh!!!!! why are you trying to eat me!

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What did the frog say when he heard his family was dead? "ribbit"

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What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

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why couldn't the girl make her bed? she is homeless.

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Why are you a chicken? Because I say cock-a-doodle doo

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Well, you need to develop a particular mindset, and while scienTITS claim that its not logical so it does not work... Well, SUGAR, thing is that the mind and emotions, cannot be explained logically either. Let me expand your mind (if I have not already) A astronomer meets up with a brain surgeon, the Astronomer says to the brain surgeon: I do not believe in god. Why? says the brain surgeon. Because I have studied most of the outer space and never found seen any trace of God.

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What did Tyrone Jenkins say when Obama was elected? Nothing. He is not a real person, but merely a hypothetically existent man used only for the portrayal of a lacking punchline.

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What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

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How many dead babies can you fit in a child's swimming pool? 9 (Trust me, you won't be able to squeeze the tenth one in there.)

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What did the computer say to the mouse? Nothing inanimate objects cant talk

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Why did the dog run away from home? Because the owner left the door open.

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What did the girl tell her abusive boyfriend Girl: You broke my heart! Boyfriend: I'm gonna break your face.

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Q: What do you call a room full of black people? A: A Social Gathering.

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So there were three guys on a plane. they all died.

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Why is Obama Care a lie? Cuz he doesn't care!

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brock has small hands for a small job

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How do you make a plumber cry? I'm sorry but our princess is in another castle.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing 'cause you done told the b i t c h twice!

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why was the little boy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Knock knock... Home invasion

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Q. What do you get if you cross a suspicious person with a paranoid person? A. Who wants to know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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