- Anti Joke

Your mother is so fat that she's more prone to cardiovascular disease than other people who stick to the proper BMI or body mass index

What's black and blue and is scared to death? the kid in my trunk

A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

If you pull a pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back? I need a quick answer for this question.

Yo mama so fat that when she jumped into a pool she displaced more water than someone who was of a normal weight

Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

What did Anne Frank say to the German Officer? Nothing. She had to keep quiet in a cramp attic in order to survive.

What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

your so vein that doctors find you really helpful when giving you injections

Why is did the blonde cross the road? She was trying to catch the chicken.

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE I LIKE TITS TITS

One fish... Two fish... Red fish... I have AIDs

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand but thinking of you.

What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.

What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not. Sally..

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had bullied 6 and his old pal 21 back in his younger days.

What's worse than Hitler killing six million Jews? All of the Jews. --ZeNaziGermanDoctior

Roses are red Violets are blue My head itches I'm going to get this guy to itch it for me