To men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

Have you heard that Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street are gay? If so, than whoever told you may be mentally challenged, Bert & Ernie are both puppets which even though they resemble people with active personalities, they remain puppets and do not have a sexual oreintation.

Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

I took my father out last night. We went to the Olive Garden.

Q: What's the upside to your otherwise miserable life? A: You only got raped twice last week.

Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

He was as tall as a 6 foot 3 tree.

knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

What happened to the baby in the microwave. I don't know I was too busy masturbating off to it in my clown suit

What is the biggest lie that's still close to the truth? You came out of your momma's asshole.

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at him.

What do you call Charlie Sheen when he's on drugs? Charlie Sheen.

What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy??? Just different pigmentation of their skin.

Q: what's red and covers an elementary school wall? A: a red crayon

old people are like slinkies...they arent really good for anything but brings a smile to ur face when they're pushed down the stairs...just think about it ;)

Why did the family at dinner not tip the waiter? He was mean and spat in their food.

Your mother is so fat, that somebody should inform her of the risks of eating unhealthy foods because she could obtain life threatening diseases.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, So what is the colour violet for?

You know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.

How many pairs of underwear do I own? Seventy-nine.

Why does Toby suck! Because he sucks!

What do Justin Bieber and Eminem have in common? They both need to get a life. I lied about Eminem.

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

a jew, a muslim and a christian all walk into a bar; because of the difference in religion im afraid such an event is unlikely to occur in the future.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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