OMG did you hear about the man who sky-dived from mars?!!!! No…. Me neither

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? This site.

A doctor tells a woman he needs to take her rectal temperature. The woman tells the doctor "That's not my rectum." The doctor promptly apologizes and conducts the rest of the check up.

An old man walks across the street. Several cars start to honk in irritation, for they are in a hurry and the man is walking quite sluggishly.

A man stops another man on the street in Manhattan and asks "How do I get to Carnegie Hall ?" The other man gives him direction, including which subway stop to get off at.

whats worse then getting a bad present on your birthday? dying.

Dont listen to your heart all it dose is BEAT BEAT BEAT

why did the boy drop his icecream?? he got hit by a bus

Whats black and white and red all over? Genital Warts...

Beans, beans, are good for your heart the more you eat the less hungry you are.

Alright alright... But you gotta promise to call me then

why was the pen mad at the pencil? it wasnt. objects don't have feelings

There are two blonds in a car, the driver to looks to the other blond (carelessly taking in her surroundings) They crash and the passenger is grusomely killed to the point of not being recognized and the driver later commits suicide from the guilt and pending law suit.

"Doctor, Doctor, Help I feel like a pair of curtains" "I've got some cream for that".

Your mamas so fat that she went to the doctor and he said she has a very high case of diabetes so now she's trying to excerise more and watching what she eats.

How do you describe a cranky rapist? Cranky and rapist

There is a blonde, Santa and Jesus. Someone throws a million dollars on the ground who picks it up? Me because I shot them

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

-Whats this? -Anti-Jokes.. -Theyre not funny

A man walks into a bar. He drinks heavily and dies of alcohol poisoning.

How do you earn a bunch of money all at once? Walk into Hot Topic and say "I have knives for sale!"

Every circle of friends has a "crazy one". If you can't figure out who the "crazy one" in your group is... Try harder. Either that or you are a terrible judge of character.

Doesn't matter, had sex. Except for the STD's I possibly contracted.

Thank you, you remind me that I am not insane, just because I believe we humans can accomplish more, by uniting as one, rather than fighting one another. I feel as if I belong somewhere else, yet the question remains always, are people such as you better, or are we relics from the past?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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