A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Dylan Hodge's mother touches her own butthole at night. Joshua Brown's sister rubs Josh's earlobes passionately. Brock is a fag. Jacob is Awesome. Daniel THINKS he's awesome. Jamie kills everyone. Apart from Jacob.

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What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

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why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

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An Asian girl is playing with a rubber band. She accidentally slings it into her eye, cries, and receives immediate attention from her mother.

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Why does Amy leave Dan? Dan gets hit by a bus.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Not all poems rhyme Penis

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Why did the Mexicans climb the fence? When they were tossing frisbee and accidentally tossed it into their neighbors yard and they had to go get it.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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What happens if you fall of a cliff You die

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A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

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How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

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Why didn't the plane crash... because of the wight male piloting it

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What's the difference between a black person and cancer? If you don't know already, you should really question your countries education system and your parents upbringing.

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A Black man is running down the street with a T.V. He just bought it with the money he is getting from his recent promotion to partner at a local Law firm. He is running because he had to park far away and wanted to get out of the rain.

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Roses are red , violets are blue, you like 1d? STFU

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I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

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Roses are blue Violets are red It's fascinating what genetic engineering can do

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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What's black, white and red all over? A nun that fell down a flight of stairs

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An Asian man walked to P.F. Changs, and asked where the bathroom is.

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what do you get when you come across a old dog with herpes, a fat man with herpes and an apple? you get nothing but the satisfaction of seeing such a horrific sight

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A white man applies for a job two weeks later he finds out he lost the job to a hardworking Mexican who went to college and payed his debts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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