What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Q. what is your favorite food? A. Chicken, burritos, sandwich, rice, hot dog, turkey, duck, carrot, broccoli, eggplant, apple, blueberry, pear, raspberry, blackberry, orange, grapes fries, chips, cheese, pretzels, worms, and candy canes.

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rent a cops

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thats the same sound ur mom made in bed last night

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What did the robet say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. Its funny becuase the robot had no arms.

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Why was Timmy strong? Because his dad injected steroids through his asshole.

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What did the child say after the priest touched him? Thank you for the ashes Father, have a blessed Lenten season.

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Why is the turkey always full? Because he is stuffed.

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What did the worm say to the butterfly? Nothing, worms don't talk.

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Knock Knock Whos there Boo OWWW YOU ASS WAT THE F*%^ (crying)

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it, they aren't going to come.

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Q: What do you call a girl with no arms or legs, is blind, has no parents, has cancer, and is dyslexic? A: Suzie

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Why did The Chicken cross The Road? The Chicken was a new drug dealer to town and he did a deal with The Road , the town's existing drug dealer (they used these nicknames to hide their identities), but then back stabbed him to try and take the whole area for himself. Money and Power, as always.

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Q: Men are always very careful to have penises. Why don't women care enough to have them? A: That's a very good question.

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Knock Knock! "Use the friggin' doorbell!"

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What did the sea say to the penguin? Nothing it just waved..

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Adam Chebali is awesome

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Im black and want attention. I also love fried chicken and love Africa call for a good, African-American time..... Im black 4025406623

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Bro: Aww Dawg! What if they tell me I got da aids? Dawg!: Hey don worry bro, you gotta BE POSITIVE

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One time there was a man walking down the street. Wrong, it is physically impossible to walk down a street, you can only walk along it.

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What do 9 out of every 10 people enjoy? Gang rape.

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Why couldn't Ariel talk in the Little Mermaid? Someone slit her throat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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