How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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If anything is possible try to staple water to a tree.

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A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: If I knew I wouldn't be asking you.

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Your face is hilarious.

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What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

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How does your sister ride a bicycle? My sister does not have any legs.

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Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

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How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

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What's worst than a worm in your apple? Finding your mom in a porno.

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( . Y . )

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7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,8

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What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? Fuck.

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An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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knock knock who's there? faith

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what did the food critic say when he was handed a snickers? I'm allergic to peanut butter

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If you go to a restaurant and you have more food on your plate then someone who is obese, you KNOW you have too much food.

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Why Was the straight man in love ? because he was an intelligent human being who had the formula of understanding woman .

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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Why did the guy fail his driving test? He was blind.

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how many scrubbers does it take to change a light bulb ? 2 , 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell piss

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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