Your mother is so fat, she really could stand to lose a few pounds.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall again? Because somebody put her back on. Why wasn't she able to hug her dad? Because she has no dad.

Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. The rest of the bar patrons are thoroughly confused.

a man walks into a house. he gets shot in the leg and is brought to jail because he was a burglar and was trying to steal the family's tv.

Roses are red, violets are blue, take this medication, and call me if you have any symptoms of nausea or heartburn.

You know why no ones tried to kill Obama ? Picture him in an escalade!

George Lopez never said anything funny in his life.

A kid is stuck in a fire, his dad (a firefighter) comes and saves him. Sadly the kid needed surgery from the fire. He went to the hospital and when the doctor looked at him he said "I cannot operate on my own son." How can this be? His parents are gay...

What has equally bad consequences as breaking someone's leg in front of the local authorities? Breaking your own leg on purpose in front of the local authorities.

What did the commentor say when he saw the "waht's worse than finding a worm in your apple...the holocaust." joke? I am offended to your cruel referance to worms.

A little boy had a candle by his bedside. It fell over. The candle was fake, and it didn't burn down his house. When he woke up, he picked up the candle, put it back on his nightstand and had a wonderful day.

A boy asks a wolf, "whats the time mr wolf?" The wolf does not answer. Wolves possess neither watches, nor the neurone in their brain required to talk.

How does a t-rex eat spaghetti? He didn't he ate a velocaraptor instead.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

why was the baby crying? cause his abusive father broke his arm.

roses are red, violets are blue, dandelions are yellow, tulips are pink, sunflowers are black and yellow, my dick is 13 inches long.

Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

Ding dong Who's there Electricity

What did Tarzan say to the elephant?... "Hi elephant." A few weeks later, the elephant had grown a mustache and gotten a pair of sunglasses. What did Tarzan say to him then?... Nothing, he didn't recognize him.

Knock,knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock,knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock, knock Who's there? Lemon Lemon who? Lemon know if you want me to say apple again

What is red and smells like blue paint? Read paint.

What do gamers call an abortion on quintuplets? PENTAKILL!!!

what did the boy who liked trucks get for his birthday? POOP

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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