A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

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What came in like a wrecking ball? A wrecking ball.

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Knock Knock Whos there Cameron oh

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why did kermit cry?Ms.Piggy knocked him out on Christmas and he slept through the party and all of the presents

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what do you call a black man flying an airplane a pilot, you racist

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Why was the girl crying? She had just been severely raped.

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Why is the sky blue? You like men.

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Why did the all black baseball team beat the all white baseball team? Because the black team scored more runs than the white team.

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A man walks into a Library.... And asks for a book.

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Johny got a iphone ipad and a macbook. He bragged to his friend. His friend said, i got an apple.

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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How do you make a white girl commit suicide? Bully her.

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What does a spider Pig do? Nothing. They dont exist.

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What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

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What's worst than a worm in your apple? Finding your mom in a porno.

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Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

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what is purple and smells like poop? very weird looking poop

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How many Obamas does it take to screw an economy? What do you think?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? You can't

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How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

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Why are chaos theorists so predictable? Because their arguments usually follow a logical set of points.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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