What did the archangel Michael say to Jesus? "Hello, Jesus."

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Friend: how obsessed are you with harry potter on a scale from 1-10 Me: 9 and 3/4

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What has nine arms and sucks? Four children with two arms snacking on a lollipop, and one child with one arm snacking on a lollipop.

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The blonde is in the park withb a rope a man passes and says what are u doing, she says im goin o hang and kill myself. the next day the man comes back and sees the blonde there alive he says i thought u were goin hang yourself she says i tried but i couldnt breathe.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like peanut butter Can you fly?

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the waterhorse is a beautiful creature. It often frolics through fields of wheat.

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one underneath it. What's worse than that? It has to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It goes back for seconds.

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why wouldnt you come to the dark side? i spit in the cookies

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Why didn't the kid eat lunch at school? He wasn't hungry.

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A man buys cocaine from a shady dealer in an alley. He then goes home and experiments with it and other chemicals, and later on invents Coca Cola

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Why did the man eat his own shoe? Because it was a tissue box.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Watch me shoot you

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Have you seen Hellen Kellers mon?... Neither has she

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your friend is gay, but you are not. nothing happens

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How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

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I road a horse to school. My friend stabbed it with a Javelin and screamed.... The horse was his Dad

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Why did the girl need a peice of gum after spending 20 minutes parked in the truck with her boyfriend? Because she had spent the last 20 minutes eating sweets, which she couldnt let her mom know she had eaten because her mom calls her fat everyday even though she only weighs 110 pounds, and forces her to only eat vegetables.

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What happened when barba opened the coca cola? The cap flew off and hit the fence then the train then the moon then the pillow then the sun then the pole and the pole fell and hit the baseball and the cap landed on the floor... Then my turtle died

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

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What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a banana.

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Why did nobody answer when billy knocked on the door? The door was a loaf of bread.

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What's worse then falling up the stairs? Ketchup

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops