I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the chicken eat chicken noodle soup? Because he killed his brother.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a bar. He is promptly taken to the hospital where he finds out that he may have a concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the black man get arrested? He sold cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a bar later at night & the bartender says how was your day the man replies "well I found out my mom is a raging crack addict, my grampa has alzheimer's & i have terminal cancer" how was yours the bartender says "I found out im Hitlers lost son".

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q. What do cows and grass have in common? A. They both moo, except for grass ????????????

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

There were two mufins in an oven. They did not say anything because muffins are incapable of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

thumb_up thumb_down +11

There was a little boy (Jewish edition) Saten: Look father, my silk vestments make me look so much more fabulous than you! Gad: Oh! Hawt sweetie! But not as pretty as my dress... Err I mean "silks"... Anyway you are no longer my son! Which means we can do you know what ;) Saten: Hmpf! I am feel disappoint in of your dress! Gad: ITS SILKS! just *basically* a dress... Oh my gawd! You refuse to give it to your "daddy" ;) You are losar ant not gonna get to hang around this club anymore! Saten: OMFG you are so enrage! You are liek not classy or flamboyant at all anymore, sorry pimp "daddy" :/ Imma leavin! And btw Adam my secret lover has such a bigger wienersnitzel anyways, and he is totally eating my fruits if you know what I mean ;) Gad: Oh me so jelez I am completelay going to panish him! I am throwing him out of Paradise and he will only be abley to get children with women now, lulz I am liek so evel. Saten: OMG WEMEN! UR LIEK ZO EVEL! What u goin to do next huh? Forbid Sodomy? Omg tat would be so mean :(... Moral: "NEVER WEAR A FINER SILKS THAN GAD!"...Well, it starts with two flamboyant faggots fighting over who has the "prettiest silk vestments" (basically dresses)... The rest kinda kinda figures.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is it... Michael J Fox has a small one, modonna doesnt have one, Arnold Shwatznegger has a long one, the pope doesn't use his, and bill clinton uses his a lot. A last name

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Linda: See that rainbow? Isn't it beautiful? Bart: I'm color blind.... Linda: Well...this is awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

PENIS :)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

One Direction has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did Billy get his dad for Father's day? Nothing, his dad was killed by a spinning helicopter blade when Billy was 3.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mustang? I don't have a Mustang in my garrage.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

your mother is so fat that she probably watches her calorie intake every day

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's straight and famous. Ryan Secrest I was just kidding about the stright

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the Mexican man grow a mustache? It wasn't his choice. Men naturally grow facial hair and he ran out of razors.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats green has 4 legs and would kill someone if it fell out of a tree??? A pool table.....

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

thumb_up thumb_down +11

It is better to have loved and lost, Than to have fallen, bleeding, into shark-infested waters.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the black man go to the back of the bus? The only unoccupied seats were back there.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops