A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has parkinsons and therefore couldn't keep his hand steady.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What happened to the guy who dropped his soap in the prison shower? His friend picked it up for him.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Peter was sitting on a bench. He had a bag of 10 sweets and was eating them slowly. John and Anthony both wanted some, but Peter wanted to still have sweets left over. How many did he give them both? None. He's that selfish.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says: "Where would you like to sit, gentlemen"?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the Jew cross the road? After looking both ways many times, repeatedly, to make sure there was absolutely no element of possible danger, he concluded that his best option was the cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mom is so stupid that she was unable to make it into the college of her choice.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many fairies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's sad about 3 black people going over a cliff in a Cadillac? Cadillac's seat 6

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the opposite of a joke? An anti-joke. You're reading one right now.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? He hurt himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Good job, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Three men walked into a bar. The last one ducked.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why wasnt johnny in math class?....he slipped and cracked his skull on his way there, he is now recovering at the hospital

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks down the street past a flamboyant homosexual male and kills him in a hate crime. This homosexual was Dylan Glogowski

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse than speaking to a Russian bear? Gettting mauled and eaten by one.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Did you see Helen Keller at the movie theater? I didn't either, she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse than 9/11? FaZe Banks' upload times

thumb_up thumb_down -7

chuck norris once kicked a man verry hard that man proceded to lose contiosness and chuck norris was disqualified from the martial arts compatition

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the black basketball player say to the white basketball player when he lost? Good game.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck oak? Well, If an oatmeal man could oat chuck oat, then a wood oat chucker could chuck oats.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was Susie's mom crying? Because Susie got hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops