How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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What do you call a cross between a dog and a bumblebee? One messed up lab experiment!

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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stephen hawking walks into a bar...

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Knock knock Who's there? To To whom? No, its To Who now, since I married

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What is square and grey? A grey square.

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Q: What's the worst part about having sex with a cougar? A: Dying...

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How do you scare a blonde? Paint yourself yellow and call yourself big bird.

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What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

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One day a object is flying overhead in a city and a man in a crowd of pedestrians yells, "It's a bird!" another man yells, "It's a plane!" No one else says anything as they stare at the two men that had become so excited about a possibly seeing a bird or an airplane.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? You provide him with a ladder of varying length depending on his height in the tree and hold the ladder to ensure that it is stable and safe while he is climbing down. If he his very high in the tree then it may be helpful to call the fire department for assistance in getting him down.

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What is less funny than a clown? Another clown ... but with fewer limbs.

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why was Lucy fat? Her BMI was over the recommended average.

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Why did Johnny fall off of the swing? The swing was defective. Knock, knock. Who's there? Johnny's lawyer.

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what is the difference betweeb 69 and 77? 8

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What do you call a person who is deaf. It doesn't matter, they wont be able to hear it when you call them.

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What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

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ms caissie is secretly laughing at these...

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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Why was Martin Luther King shot? The shooter strongly disagreed with his viewpoints.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops