What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

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whats worse than catching your parents having sex? having sex with your parents

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A baby seal walks into a club. He immediately escorted out because babies are not allowed in clubs.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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When life gives you lemons.............. take them free stuff is awesome.

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What is long, hard, and full of seamen A submarine you pervert

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How can you get a handicap black man to walk again? You don't...... Unless you motivate him with fried chicken. Anti-anti-joke!

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Q. What is the answer to life the universe and everything A. 42

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Why didn't Joe catch the baseball? He got shot by a local gang.

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Why did the baby die? Lack of oxygenated blood to the brain.

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whats black, white, and red all over? your mum

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A man died. What was his name? Phil. His name was Phil.

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what did joe eat for breakfast? he didn't eat, joe is schizophrenic steve's best friend

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What do an elephant, and a banana have in common? Neither one is an ambulance.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

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Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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I saw Scarface uncut last weekend. It was called Face

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Is Mike here? Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Yes teacher, he is home sick with the flu.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Police. Your family is dead...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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