Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police, your family is dead.

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A dwarf walked into a pizza shop and ordered a large pepperoni pizza advertised as $12.50. He gave some money to the man behind the counter who then said, "Sir, you're a little short." The dwarf replied, "My apologies, I thought I had given you a twenty." He gave the man behind the counter the difference he owed, took his pizza and left.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Why do the following sentences never have anything to do with the roses and violets?

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A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

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Why was the prison full of black people? Because they were all their for security internships.

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A man walks into a bar and breaks his nose, he asks the bartender for help The bartender says "no you're a f***ing idiot"

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What starts with "F" and ends in "uck" Firetruck.

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how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I touch myself at night.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

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A dog walks into a bar, followed by his blind owner.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: An Elephant was sitting on his face

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A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: If I knew I wouldn't be asking you.

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hey i jut met u, and i have alzeihmer, cheese and toast

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If pro is the oppisite of con what is the oppiste of progress Congress

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Q: what's green and has wheels? A: a john deere tractor

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9/11

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What do you call a Mexican guy in America? A Mexican American

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how many scrubbers does it take to change a light bulb ? 2 , 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell piss

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a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?". the horse answers..."i'm a horse"

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops